You never know who you are until something is taken away from you. Something you didn't even realize was so important to your very being. And once it leaves you, you miss it so much, that getting it back at times seems almost impossible.
This isn't a post about death, or a loved one, or even a pet. You can put the tissues away now. I'll wait.
For the first time ever (minus those pesky tonsils when I was 8), I had actual surgery a few months ago. Nothing too terribly awful. A torn meniscus in my knee, most likely the result of years of wear and tear and hundreds of hours in the dance studio. After a couple of weeks of barely being able to walk, and various tests, my doctor decided the best thing to do would be to put me under and fix the problem. I have been a fairly active person throughout my life, though I have gone through spurts of what can only be described as pure laziness. But I never really I have thought about how much physical activitity plays a role in my life. I'm a dance teacher for crying out loud... and run my fair share of events here at the office. My stress relief... time at the gym. I'm on my feet constantly. So you can only imagine the fun and games I had when post surgery I tried to move my leg enough to walk into the bathroom. I might as well have been trying to scale Everest. Getting in the shower? Tantamount to becoming a Wallenda and walking across Niagara Falls. I cried. A lot. Simply put, it was frustrating as hell that I couldn't do the simplest of things for what seemed like months.
Two months after surgery I set foot back in the studio thinking I would step right back in to classes and triple and quad pirouettes would be mine just as effortlessly as before. I had been diligently going to physical therapy, so that seemed it should be the case, right? Not so much. I had about as much grace and coordination as an elephant. One who also who had had knee surgery. Had an assistant AND another instructor in there trying to interpret my choreography notes and thoughts... I still feel bad for them... not exactly easy to get inside someone's head and catch their vision. I may not have been the most pleasant of people trying to explain what I THOUGHT it should look like without showing them. And my students-they deserve a Congressional Medal of Honor for putting up with me that first week back.
Now it is another almost three months down the road. I miss everything that came so effortlessy before for me. Being able to dance for the joy of dancing, and not focusing on how my leg was feeling, or if I was going to go off balance and tear something. I was finally cleared by the doctor recently, and I'm back in the gym trying to get myself back in shape AND lose the weight I gained from sitting around half of the winter. Last week, I logged 8 miles on the elliptical. It's a steady improvement. It's Tuesday, and I'm at 10 miles already this week. While teaching class, I managed a double and a roll to the floor and back up last week- and I landed on it solidly, and repeatedly. So I know the old me is in there, just waiting to come back out again... she's fighting and will be back better than ever.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Choices
Some ramblings this morning... draw your own conclusions.
As I get older, I find myself becoming more and more concerned about the world around me, how I take care of myself and my family, and (since I am the primary chef in the family), what I put in our bodies. Recently I have seen much debate regarding natural food processes, organics, non-GMO seeds and plants and the many fights for and against both.
I truly think what I choose to put in my body is a personal decision. I think it is a manner of choice, and being able to make that choice for myself, not fear of what may or may not be. I respect those who say altered foods are totally safe BUT I think that nothing is an exact science, and the world is about calculated risks. Each decision we make is about weighing those potential risks. And I want the information available to be able to weigh those risks. For example, many believe that to be a vegetarian is a healthier way to live, both ethically and morally. Me- while I have spent a great deal of time researching- understand, respect and appreciate their concerns, I enjoy a burger, nice tasty steak and BBQ pork from time to time. When I DO eat meat, I try as hard as I possibly can to "know my food." I try to avoid additives, chemicals, hormones, etc. We purchase locally grown beef from a farmer we KNOW. As of this week, my eggs will also come from a local person we know. In the summer I try to grow as many of our vegetables as I can. I like knowing HOW my food was raised. I believe it is part of my responsibility to myself, my family, and our bodies.
It makes me feel good.
As I get older, I find myself becoming more and more concerned about the world around me, how I take care of myself and my family, and (since I am the primary chef in the family), what I put in our bodies. Recently I have seen much debate regarding natural food processes, organics, non-GMO seeds and plants and the many fights for and against both.
I truly think what I choose to put in my body is a personal decision. I think it is a manner of choice, and being able to make that choice for myself, not fear of what may or may not be. I respect those who say altered foods are totally safe BUT I think that nothing is an exact science, and the world is about calculated risks. Each decision we make is about weighing those potential risks. And I want the information available to be able to weigh those risks. For example, many believe that to be a vegetarian is a healthier way to live, both ethically and morally. Me- while I have spent a great deal of time researching- understand, respect and appreciate their concerns, I enjoy a burger, nice tasty steak and BBQ pork from time to time. When I DO eat meat, I try as hard as I possibly can to "know my food." I try to avoid additives, chemicals, hormones, etc. We purchase locally grown beef from a farmer we KNOW. As of this week, my eggs will also come from a local person we know. In the summer I try to grow as many of our vegetables as I can. I like knowing HOW my food was raised. I believe it is part of my responsibility to myself, my family, and our bodies.
It makes me feel good.
The Garden Begins- April 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
Somewhere Over the Rainbow
She was hyperactive. Crazy. Sang ALL the time. Vibratto, even to Alanis. Probably the perkiest person I had ever met.Within the first five minutes of our meeting, I was exhausted. She stole my lobster slippers, held them hostage for weeks, and I finally discovered them in a cooking dish after numerous ransom notes and threats on my door. One time, we sang Acapella Men's choir tunes for 2 1/2 straight hours on a road trip to my house. Somehow, she convinced me to take a 7am aerobics class for an entire semester. We once spent an entire weekend watching the Jerry's Kids Labor day telethon, because it was the only thing our rabbit ear antenna would pick up... AND WE WERE EXCITED ABOUT IT.
She called it like it was. No matter WHAT I said, or DID, she was always there, and after telling me how stupid I was, would help me feel a little better, and encourage me to to the right thing. You have no idea how insane that made me-her ability to forgive me, after anything and EVERYTHING. She was one of my best friends in college.
She'll never know it, but she ended up playing a large part in making me the person I am today. And man, do I miss her.
I still wrestle with that- wondering how it is that me, the child gone wild in college who almost threw away everything, is still here-while everything ended for her in a split second. 12 years later, I still remember her birthday. THAT day. The day I grew up and realized we weren't invincible. The day my parents had to tell me that she was gone, forever. And on the eve of another one, all these years later, it isn't any easier- but I find myself remembering the good times, and even the not so good times, and find myself now thinking how lucky I was to have had her in my life, and even during those short few years, the memories that I will never forget.
So, today I say- Happy Birthday Alissa- I'll never forget you. Thank you for giving me the guts to get my life in order. To admit that I was wrong, and to do something about it. Thank you for the love, the memories, and the advice from beyond that you will never even know you gave. I miss you so much, and know that someday, somewhere "Over the Rainbow" we'll meet up, and Dancing Queen will be ours again.
Until then, my friend.
Love,
Melissa
She called it like it was. No matter WHAT I said, or DID, she was always there, and after telling me how stupid I was, would help me feel a little better, and encourage me to to the right thing. You have no idea how insane that made me-her ability to forgive me, after anything and EVERYTHING. She was one of my best friends in college.
She'll never know it, but she ended up playing a large part in making me the person I am today. And man, do I miss her.
I still wrestle with that- wondering how it is that me, the child gone wild in college who almost threw away everything, is still here-while everything ended for her in a split second. 12 years later, I still remember her birthday. THAT day. The day I grew up and realized we weren't invincible. The day my parents had to tell me that she was gone, forever. And on the eve of another one, all these years later, it isn't any easier- but I find myself remembering the good times, and even the not so good times, and find myself now thinking how lucky I was to have had her in my life, and even during those short few years, the memories that I will never forget.
So, today I say- Happy Birthday Alissa- I'll never forget you. Thank you for giving me the guts to get my life in order. To admit that I was wrong, and to do something about it. Thank you for the love, the memories, and the advice from beyond that you will never even know you gave. I miss you so much, and know that someday, somewhere "Over the Rainbow" we'll meet up, and Dancing Queen will be ours again.
Until then, my friend.
Love,
Melissa
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Home and Stranded on the Couch
I know... I know... all those resolutions, and yet here I am... wondering again why it took so much effort to get back on here and post again.
I had knee surgery about a week ago. Nothing too serious, just some repair work that has reminded me that maybe I am not quite as young as I like to imagine I still am. But it has left me fairly immobile-so, here I sit, six days later- leg elevated on more pillows than I care to admit I own, ice packs lovingly applied, and the continious din of the television in the background. It's a good thing I had plently of work I could do from the couch today, because, just for the record, daytime television leaves a LOT to be desired. No, really... A LOT. I really don't care if you thought he was the father of your child, but he actually was the father of your step-sister, or anything equally as twisted. Nor do I care that this years MUST HAVE item is cosmetics that enable me to match my eyeshadow to my leopard print pumps (not making this up, I swear!!) Netflix was a godsend earlier in the week, and I managed to catch up on all those shows and movies that for years I have thought... "hmmm... I bet that would be good.."
Which leads me to my tip of the day. Watch the movie "Outsourced." What a great flick. While some of the humor is a little off colour, it has a great ending, and I promise, you won't be disappointed.
I had knee surgery about a week ago. Nothing too serious, just some repair work that has reminded me that maybe I am not quite as young as I like to imagine I still am. But it has left me fairly immobile-so, here I sit, six days later- leg elevated on more pillows than I care to admit I own, ice packs lovingly applied, and the continious din of the television in the background. It's a good thing I had plently of work I could do from the couch today, because, just for the record, daytime television leaves a LOT to be desired. No, really... A LOT. I really don't care if you thought he was the father of your child, but he actually was the father of your step-sister, or anything equally as twisted. Nor do I care that this years MUST HAVE item is cosmetics that enable me to match my eyeshadow to my leopard print pumps (not making this up, I swear!!) Netflix was a godsend earlier in the week, and I managed to catch up on all those shows and movies that for years I have thought... "hmmm... I bet that would be good.."
Which leads me to my tip of the day. Watch the movie "Outsourced." What a great flick. While some of the humor is a little off colour, it has a great ending, and I promise, you won't be disappointed.
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